Post by malkieh on Oct 23, 2010 22:24:14 GMT -5
I thought because it has been a number of years since I had been the victim of an abusive husband, that I was free of the cycle. I thought I was free, and that nothing could put me back into that stage as a victim.
Sadly this semester, I was faced with someone that made me feel like garbage every single day that I was in her class. The point of saying continuously, "I can give you an unsatisfactory. That was really bad, I do not know what to do with you."
I had people saying, "it's her problem not yours."
But when she said the following, it was a shock to my system and where I had grown and become such a strong woman. That cycle came back, here was the conversation..
teacher, "so why do you want to become a nurse?"
self, "because it feels good to help people and know that I was a part of their healing and getting back to optimum health."
teacher, "so go become a crossing guard and help them cross the street."
self, "excuse me?"
teacher, "well I want to become a doctor but that is outside of my league, maybe nursing is outside of yours."
I have dreamed and worked so hard for years struggling as a single parent to work go to school and raise my children. It was my time away from them, it was part of what made me a better person and feel like I had a brain and this woman in one swoop. Put me back to where I was years ago, and I felt low and scared and nervous..
Resulting in my performance taking a major dive, because I was terrified of her ruining my dream. I was terrified of hearing again that she would flunk me and it resulted in me avoiding her.
At the end of the semester she said to me, "I am giving you a pass with a letter of concern."
it was a relief, and I felt a sigh of relief. But then two seconds later, she said to me "I just do not know what to do with you I do not like flunking students." This was the sort of Cr*p she pulled on us the ENTIRE, semester. Sadly she gave me an unsatisfactory, and I am out of nursing school. My dream is circling the drain..
Luckily I have a wonderful husband now, that said "this school was killing you, you were crying every night and killing yourself over being treated like garbage. You deserve better."
I sat down with the dean of my school to discuss how the teacher treated us, and her response was this.
"I know you and last semester you were strong and honest and open and I had a lot of respect for you. But now I see before me a different person, I do not know of this woman triggered a memory and caused you to digress to this person I see before me. But we have to come to terms with our feelings and know that there are people like this in the world and learn how to handle our feelings."
Basically, she's standing behind the teacher.
But it was a shock, because the dean was right. I fell back into my cycle of abuse, I just kept taking it and taking it and doing nothing about it. Because I was afraid of her, I am not afraid of her now. I have to meet with her on tuesday and I am refusing to sign my review because I am no longer afraid of her.
I am fighting this, and I know the reality might be that I may never become a nurse. But this woman should not be allowed to teach, and should not be allowed to cause students mental stress. She has no right to put students in an environment where they hate nursing and hate coming to class...
B"H this time around I have a wonderful supportive husband, and I am standing up for myself and finding my voice again.. The abuser should NEVER win..