Working on being less sensitive to criticism

[chayan]

I have not yet started working as an RN, but I know that one thing I need to work on is being less sensitive to criticism. Whenever I get less than glowing feedback it kills my confidence and mood for the rest of the day. Once I have time to myself to process it I can usually get over it but I know this is something I need to get used to before I start working as a nurse. Basically there are two types of criticism. Either I am actually at fault and there is something I need to fix, and in that case I need to admit my mistake and correct it without getting worked up or defensive. Or the criticism is not valid, in which case I need to either stand my ground, or ignore it, or try to use therapeutic communication skills to work through the problem. Either way I need to work on not taking things personally or getting upset.

Any ideas for how to accomplish this? As I said, I may understand objectively how I need to react, but under pressure the negative response pattern comes out... I know this could harm my career if I don't get it under control.

[achot]

Chaya, there are ways to desensitize yourself to criticism and be able to integrate what is being said without taking it personally. I dont normally endorse watching TV but there used to be a program (or maybe there still is) where Donald Trump would fire people and give scathing criticism on national TV. I had heard about it from my MIL and was curious so I found an example of the show. If you could see how these real people (who bleed if you scratch em) take the criticism in a venue where the whole world watches, you could learn from them. I also understand that a program called SuperNanny similarly chastises real life parents in a forum that is public and they are likely to have their neighbors, friends and acquaintances hear.
At least on our level, our egos can remain calm that the criticism is usually limited in nature.
Try to remember that we all go through it, sometimes every day!
There are life coaches who can help if this is a real problem for you.
It does get easier! Try to focus on all the good in your life and how much Hashem LOVES you!
Ksiva, VeChasima TOva

[medic09]

Do you respond this way to criticism in other quarters; or only within the nursing framework?

Maybe you undervalue your present accomplishments and attainments. Rav Dr. Abraham Twersky (the psychiatrist) points out that we often take stock of our situation by only noting what we've done wrong. A good businessman would never make that mistake. He has to know his assets as well as his liabilities or his stock-taking will be FALSE. SHEKER mamash.

Try an exercise. Each evening, write down explicitly some of the good or successful things you did during the day. You absolutely MUST come up with at least five things each day. Keep a diary for yourself only.

Your recognition of the different directions and responses to criticism is very good. Now get to work on documenting for yourself how well you've been doing. Don't cheat yourself. Take credit for each successful nursing task or simple kindness to colleague or patient.

This is altogether a good idea for Elul.

Good luck! שנה טובה

[chayan]

Mordechai, I've always been sensitive to criticism, but in general life I'm not in the line of fire so much as in nursing. I mean, some random person might criticize some aspect of my parenting but for the most part I'm home, and my husband's criticisms I can live with. But nursing, you're in the line of fire every day, you're interacting with dozens of people at the same time, most of whom are highly stressed and irritable... I believe that anytime people are stressed as they are in an acute healthcare setting (either as patients, family members or care providers) negative emotions and behaviors are going to come out. But as much as I understand it and can reflect on it when I'm calm, it doesn't prevent me from getting defensive and hurt when the criticism is directed at me.

I'll give an example. During clinicals we were limited in what we were able to do. Basically you had to run after the nurse yourself if you wanted to practice any skills. So, I was assigned a patient and told the LPN that I would give him his meds. When it was time to draw up his meds I got a little flustered about the order in which to reconstitute the medication (I needed to draw up sterile water and inject it into the vial, and I got a little confused). Instead of talking me through the steps, the LPN berated me for being so slow, elbowed me out of the way and did it herself. I was with another classmate at the time, and felt humiliated in front of her. I brought it up later in post-conference, and while the instructor was VERY supportive of me, this classmate did not come to my defense and kind of upheld the impression that I was slow and unprepared. So, yeah, I can get over it later and work through it, but the fact is that AT THAT TIME I was hurt and upset and humiliated and it kinda ruined my day (and I still remember it almost 4 months later).

[medic09]

Some things will, indeed, upset us. We are human beings, and we have unique emotions. Our sense of, and need for, dignity is directly related to the fact that we bear a Divine soul. So an affront to us may appeal to a deeper level where dignity is quite important.

Having said that, if we have a strong sense of our own dignity then we can sometimes allow the petty stuff to wash past us. But not always. In the example you gave, I would have been offended. But it wasn't about you. You acted like a pretty typical new nurse or student. The LPN either was overwhelmed or unsuited to be a mentor. As for your classmate, well maybe she has her own insecurities as a student and just can't speak up for you or anyone else. If it were me, I would have been a bit upset with such treatment. If fact, I probably would have told them off. ;D

I work in high acuity environments: the ER and in flight medicine. I'll tell you straight up - the best people do NOT get irritable when they're stressed. They turn to each other to offer or receive help. When we are overwhelmed in the ER at night, we just pull together and help each other make sure the patients get appropriate care. In the aircraft, if a situation gets bad, we just take a deep breath and keep working on caring for our patient. Yes, occasionally somebody loses it. But I've had docs come up to me later to apologize. They know we all need to be treated with respect; even when being corrected.

[achot]

Aug 23, 2010 21:17:07 GMT -5 chayan said:

Mordechai, I've always been sensitive to criticism, but in general life I'm not in the line of fire so much as in nursing. I mean, some random person might criticize some aspect of my parenting but for the most part I'm home, and my husband's criticisms I can live with. But nursing, you're in the line of fire every day, you're interacting with dozens of people at the same time, most of whom are highly stressed and irritable... I believe that anytime people are stressed as they are in an acute healthcare setting (either as patients, family members or care providers) negative emotions and behaviors are going to come out. But as much as I understand it and can reflect on it when I'm calm, it doesn't prevent me from getting defensive and hurt when the criticism is directed at me.

I'll give an example. During clinicals we were limited in what we were able to do. Basically you had to run after the nurse yourself if you wanted to practice any skills. So, I was assigned a patient and told the LPN that I would give him his meds. When it was time to draw up his meds I got a little flustered about the order in which to reconstitute the medication (I needed to draw up sterile water and inject it into the vial, and I got a little confused). Instead of talking me through the steps, the LPN berated me for being so slow, elbowed me out of the way and did it herself. I was with another classmate at the time, and felt humiliated in front of her. I brought it up later in post-conference, and while the instructor was VERY supportive of me, this classmate did not come to my defense and kind of upheld the impression that I was slow and unprepared. So, yeah, I can get over it later and work through it, but the fact is that AT THAT TIME I was hurt and upset and humiliated and it kinda ruined my day (and I still remember it almost 4 months later).

Chaya,
Not every nurse is best at instructing new nurses. Imagine teaching someone to cook, if the student got flustered and turned on the wrong flame, would you elbow her aside and do it yourself? Of course not, you have to be patient with new nurses and give them the time to make mistakes etc. The LPN may not have been the greatest teacher and the problem lies with her not you. That having been said, the LPN is a GREAT teacher to help you become less sensitive to other folks weaknesses, you need to develop patience for LPNs like that. Perhaps (and I dont know her) she is jealous, had a hard night, is starving and wants to go to lunch on time realizing that accompanying you will mean missing lunch etc.
We expect new nurses to behave as you and we make considerations as others did for us. Your instructor was right in giving you support. Perhaps next time you can tell the LPN," I realize that this might take a bit longer, please have patience and allow me to do it so I can learn. "
YOu are not responsible for everyones character flaws and on the other hand, you have to rise above it, take a deep breath, remove your ego from the fray, and learn to go with the flow. Being new means taking longer and learning from your mistakes. No one was born Supernurse!
Regarding your friend who didnt speak up for you, again, that is her character flaw and you dont have to respond to it.
Chavie

[achot]

Aug 23, 2010 23:53:07 GMT -5 medic09 said:

Some things will, indeed, upset us. We are human beings, and we have unique emotions. Our sense of, and need for, dignity is directly related to the fact that we bear a Divine soul. So an affront to us may appeal to a deeper level where dignity is quite important.

Having said that, if we have a strong sense of our own dignity then we can sometimes allow the petty stuff to wash past us. But not always. In the example you gave, I would have been offended. But it wasn't about you. You acted like a pretty typical new nurse or student. The LPN either was overwhelmed or unsuited to be a mentor. As for your classmate, well maybe she has her own insecurities as a student and just can't speak up for you or anyone else. If it were me, I would have been a bit upset with such treatment. If fact, I probably would have told them off. ;D

I work in high acuity environments: the ER and in flight medicine. I'll tell you straight up - the best people do NOT get irritable when they're stressed. They turn to each other to offer or receive help. When we are overwhelmed in the ER at night, we just pull together and help each other make sure the patients get appropriate care. In the aircraft, if a situation gets bad, we just take a deep breath and keep working on caring for our patient. Yes, occasionally somebody loses it. But I've had docs come up to me later to apologize. They know we all need to be treated with respect; even when being corrected.

Totally agree!

[Rivka P]

It is indeed a very difficult thing to do, to receive criticism, especially about something that you are trying so darn hard to accomplish. I remember as a new nurse, when we would have our meetings about my progress in orientation, I used to come out feeling like garbage. The best thing I can add to this discussion, is just, "you're not alone!"

[chayan]

Would people actually say nasty things to you during orientation? or just point out things you overlooked, things you were slow in, things you "should have known better" etc.?

BTW it's the "should have known better" ones that I hate the most. You can never see them coming...

[achot]

Aug 24, 2010 20:30:03 GMT -5 Rivka P said:

It is indeed a very difficult thing to do, to receive criticism, especially about something that you are trying so darn hard to accomplish. I remember as a new nurse, when we would have our meetings about my progress in orientation, I used to come out feeling like garbage. The best thing I can add to this discussion, is just, "you're not alone!"

Rivka, thats terrible, you should never give anyone the right to make you feel terrible (or like garbage). Accepting constructive criticism is part of everyday life. It is not meant to break you, but guide your practice so that it jives with expectations. So you are slow, we all were slow till we gained proficiency! Slow doesnt make you garbage, hurting other people does!

[Rivka P]

Hmm, It wasn't nasty really. But the comments were mostly negative, whereas it should have been mixed in with positive feedback as well. Being a night nurse on the neurology floor, we had to make judgement calls whether to call the on call physician. We were considered too high acuity to call residents. I would get comments from physicians about calling for no reason, so I would try and avoid calling them. Then, when something would come up that my preceptor considered important and I hadn't called, they were concerned about my judgement. But this was something very unclear to a new nurse. Also, I was expected to have 8 patients at night, which is very difficult to organize, especially neurology/stroke patients! It took me a while to feel confident handling this patient load, and my supervisors expressed their dissatisfaction at my slow pace.
Chaya, you are right about the "should have known better" comments, because sometimes this knowledge comes with nursing practice, which we are lacking. I wish you hatzlocha in finding a job and in progressing in your orientation and nursing career and may the nursing knowledge come quickly and easily.

[achot]

Tip to you all, from those with scars, ALL doctors complain when you call at night and then they complain if you dont, Basically your d--- if you do, and your d--- if you dont., With time you and the doctor learn when he trusts your judgement and when he needs your call. You on the other hand have the right to call based on your judgement and too bad, that is what he is on call for. Better to err on the side of calling if you really dont know what to do and there is no one around to help,
I think getting along with your preceptor is more impt but every situation is different

OTOH, 8 patients is crazy for a neurology unit, they want champaigne for the price of beer!

BTW, Should have known better is what people say when they are clueless and know that they would have made the same mistake