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Post by malkieh on Dec 13, 2009 19:14:52 GMT -5
B"H I have three beautiful children, that I love very much.
My oldest has a tendency to take advantage when I am not there to enforce her doing work. I.e. one night I had a 16 page report due for one of my courses, and I was finally focused and wanted to finish it. I gave my husband clear instructions, i.e. chumash homework and study english vocab words for spelling test the next day. he did the chumash and forgot to do the vocab, of course she flunked vocab because my daughter needs constant reinforcement of memory words.
My second child, sadly has chrons disease, and recently I discovered that there are two boys at his school that have picked him out to pick on and punch in the stomach of all places!! While it may not be a hard punch for my son, any punch in the stomach is stressful! I mentioned it to the principle but they are afraid that if they tell everyone that they have to be gentle with my son, that it could further ostracize him as we are still new to the school! This week I had my orientation, and he was so upset that I was not there to do his lunch that he got sick to his stomach. Of course later I discovered that it was too much the beating up and the changes that I was not there in the morning to do his lunch. So i know it was not only me, but the school issues.
My youngest, now has been acting out at school and the teachers are surprised.
Why do they do this?? anyway thanks for listening to my vent..
And responses like do not go to school are not helpful, I need a real job.
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Post by medic09 on Dec 13, 2009 22:05:07 GMT -5
Malki, I'm sorry to hear about the troubles your kids (and you all) are having. I would like to relate to the trouble your son is having at school. I'm saying this as a long-time teacher. The principal's response is unacceptable. If a child complains of being punched by other kids, that is not to be ignored. Punching someone in the abdomen is NOT an acceptable form of play in school. I think you and your husband should have a meeting with the principal. You should make it clear that even if he thinks special treatment uncalled for, this is over the line and you want to know how he is going to address it. You should also ask for the names of the responsible students and tell him you are going to speak with their parents. Is this a Jewish school? If it is, I am disappointed by the response. We had children with Crohn's in a school I taught in. There was a general staff meeting held to orient the staff to the specific problems the student might have, and to tell us to be on the lookout for help the student might need, etc. A Jewish school is expected to promote hesed; and the principal and rav should be at the forefront of that. But you may need to do some educating. They may be clueless. I hope that's all it is. If your child continues to be harassed at school, especially if it is physical, you might speak with your local rav and ask his advice. He may know the ins and outs of the school and community better. A child being harassed in a Jewish school defies all the values that school should be teaching. As for the kids acting out, have you included them in what you're doing? Do they understand that you're going to school and learning a noble profession; but you're still available and watching out for them? I don't claim to know what balance of discipline and rahmanut is called for here; that varies with each child and each home. If they were accustomed to having you around, they may need some help adjusting while learning that they mustn't misbehave. Hang in there! You have a tough job now. Mother, student, wife. Many have done it, and I know you'll do well; but it IS a tough row to hoe until it is done! And of course, you can always vent here.  |
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Post by malkieh on Dec 13, 2009 22:59:45 GMT -5
we have met many times with the principle, and we had a meeting with her this past week.
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Post by achot on Dec 14, 2009 0:41:01 GMT -5
WOW!! I have to agree with Medic
I want to answer in the same order you wrote
Welcome to parenting, it is never easy, but you sound like you care and its good you reach out for help.
Regarding your oldest, can you give her some motivation to doing her homework? like no TV or computer or whatever till her homeworks done,? Its important to compliment any effort and post all decent grades on the fridge, or even bake her a cake when she gets a decent grade or plan a mother and daughter outing to the pizza store on a sun. night for each week that she does her homework all week etc. Stay in touch with her teacher even calling every other week if necessary,..
If she needs more help from school get them in board and most important
NEVER CRITICIZE YOUR CHILDS TEACHER IN FRONT OF THE KIDS!!!!!
Regarding your second son, I agree totally with Medic, but add- is there another school in the area? Is it possible to speak to the other parents? Can you get a letter from his doctor that the school must respect? There are books to help your child defend himself from Bullies, try them or google the topic, you will find lots of advise, it is important to empower your son to defend himself even if it means avoiding these kids at this stage and finding a different chevra. Although I always stress to my kids, that a kid at school who is mean might do teshuva tomorrow and you can be friends with him or her when they are ready.
Put on your seatbelts, you are about to ride the rollercoaster- mom, wife, student etc. Try to find some quality time for all the important people in your life, do you have help from other family members, neighbors or good friends? Is there a high school student who can help your husband in the afternoons?
I promise you things will eventually get better...then teenage years will hit!!!
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Post by jewishnurse on Dec 15, 2009 22:16:25 GMT -5
wow good luck! I only have 1 baby ka"h so i dont have very much advice about older kids but school, mommy-ing, wifeing is a ton on your plate- a motto i had in nursing school was from some old show i used to watch - Were gonna make it after all......
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Post by Rivka P on Dec 16, 2009 1:28:29 GMT -5
malkieh, the principal should not single out your son for special treatment, but maybe the class as a whole could go through a workshop on bullying.
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Post by achot on Dec 16, 2009 8:48:13 GMT -5
NO, not the class as a whole but the WHOLE SCHOOL. If its happening to your son, its happening to others and not just in one class. I would tell the school that if something serious happens I will hold them responsible!!!
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Post by achot on Dec 16, 2009 8:49:23 GMT -5
wow good luck! ... a motto i had in nursing school was from some old show i used to watch - Were gonna make it after all...... and even if Laverne and Shirley cant help...Hashem Yaazor!!! |
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