pt died today

[psyched]

It was a horrible, accidental death. We think he choked in his sleep. Don't want too post too many details- but he was young. very young.
I came onto the unit this morning, they were calling the code. i was shaking all over. I've never actually seen anyone so... blue like that. It's so horrible.
How do you handle it?

[medic09]

DEAR psyched,

I'm so sorry. I'm in my fifities, have been a medic and/or a nurse on and off for 25 years. I am at least saddened with every patient who dies. I hope I always will be. The human society has lost a precious person and soul, even while other realms may have gained.

And yes, some deaths really do seem more horrible than others. The blue/grey patient who chokes, or the really young ones.

From the little you've said, your response sounds pretty normal and healthy. Our patients are living, precious people. Death is significant. It SHOULD effect us; although not disable us.

I know it is still on your mind, since you started this thread. The last patient who died in my care was on my mind for days afterwards. He was only my patient for a few hours, coded early on, and died while we were still working pretty hard on him. I was markedly saddened, but able to continue working (this was the first half of the night). I thought about him the next few days, but was able to function just fine. It is like that for me pretty much every time. I don't know why some may effect me more than others.

How were you during work? How are you now? I gather this wasn't your patient, so you may have been effected a little less, after witnessing the horror you described.

When it is all over, the unit also has to ask the professional question 'was there anything to learn from this, or do differently next time?' Sometimes that process saves another life later. I ask that question after every call I do outside the hospital, and every critical patient I work in the ED.

[achot]

I work in a nursing home and the patients are all family to me, so every death hits me hard,

yes, I cry, but, yes I have learned to keep my composure in order to perform the necessary care for the dead and help my staff deal with it as well.

I have full confidence that you will too.

It says a lot about you and the respect you give to your patients that you reacted the way you did, it is totally human and you are a Rachman.
We always have a staff meeting to remember the deceased and give support to those closest to him/her. It gives us nechama to remember all we did for the deceased while they were still living.

It certainly puts my life into perspective and helps me prioritize and make the most of each day.

Go home and give your family big hugs and tell them how much you love them and they are important to you!!

If you want, give tzedaka or a chessed in memory of this patient- even something like being dan le kav zechut, or sharing a smile with someone who needs it...

[achot]

Medic, that is an excellent point- to include in your staff meeting what could be done to improve future efforts and care...,
as long as you are not pointing fingers or making anyone feel guilty over a mistake (obviously you dont do that and it wasn't implied at all in your post, I am just bringing the point as I have seen it done in other staff meetings with disastrous results).
Mistakes happen every day and we all fall into that hole...to make someone feel guilty will only cause them to freeze up next time, its important to go from Chayil to Chayil...every team effort even if it doesn't bring about the desired results- is a success on some level.

Sometimes it is just enough for the family to believe that all that possible could be done, was done.

Tizku LeMitzvot!!

[psyched]

Thanks for your replies. i'm doing a bit better now. I basically walked onto the unit in the morning and they were calling the code. B'h I had never met him before- I think that would have been so much harder for me.
for a positive point, I think that now that I've witnessed this once, I think that (G-d forbid) next time will be easier. This time I couldn't get passed the "oh my goodness, his face is blue"
Thanks for your support.