Feeling a bit out of it..

[malkieh]

Ever since the instance of being failed by the evil instructor, and then hearing from the new instructor that she could not see a reason why I was failed.. I have really felt numb.

I used to be empathetic and understanding and listen to people's kfetches and moans. I used to really care.

But these days I just honestly have not tollerance for silliness and I find myself upset and not understanding.

For instance, the other day we went to this event. It was a really nice event and for the most part I really enjoyed it, but part of the event was this sort of auction where they draw cards out. At first the MC was really funny and entertaining, but towards the end of the evening (around 10 pm). I just started getting irritated with his attempts to elongate the evening, I mean I wanted to go home and spend time with my children. We had a great table of women the people were nice and normal, but the stupid quips he made that were supposed to be funny. The first hour I was ok with it, but by hour number 2.5 I was really sick of him elongating the evening. I would have just left, but a friend of mine needed my husband and I to walk her to her car because she came alone. She did not want to leave as of that moment.

Then today, after my wonderful fit test... blah
One of my fellow students came up to me, she looked sad. So I asked are you ok? She said, "yeah but I walked in on my bf having s@x with another girl and she was on top." I am not sure why she said the extra part, but I just responded "Oh, I am so sorry but at least you found out who he was before you became serious." and I hugged her. She said to me later something to the effect of, "you do not know how to deal with people when they are upset do you?"
Maybe I came across as not emotional about her issue?
I admit I did not go like oh sweetie are you ok??

I just feel like the entire situation that I went through has drained me, and I am still feeling numb.. How do I snap out of it?? I want to get back to caring, I hate this feeling...

[achot]

Personally, I think the fellow student was taking out her feelings on you and you are not obligated to get all bleary eyed because she is disappointed in her boyfriend. Go know what is going on in her head, different people respond to kvetches and moans differently. I have found that people in the throes of it dont want advice - just for you to cluck your tongue and empathize how tough life is....even when in your heart you are saying "idiot, good riddance to garbage"
I also agree with your desire to go home after a long drawn out auction. You have your priorities right and spending time with your kids is the most important thing you can do right now....If it were me I would have told my hubby that I need to go, and offer to walk your friend to her car at your convenience.
It sounds to me like you're normal, and just plain tired from trying so hard to just survive and pass this semester after a harrowing and negative experience that there is nothing left for others. You are just depleted emotionally and will fill up in time....it happens to all of us.
I apologize in advance if I wrote something that offended you, I have nothing but respect for what you are doing and your strength and persistence. Dont let others get you down!

[malkieh]

Thanks, you did not say anything offending, I appreciate it.
Helps me feel like I am normal, it is hard when you get your priorities straight and others are not yet. I am trying hard to be flexible to others, I think that is where I am a bit feeling off. Guess after being busy at school and having to be organized, its hard to deal with people outside of that..

B"H I went out with friends last night, and it was really great and I felt more normal after that..

[bobbie613]

You got put through the wringer by being failed at your class. Perhaps when the second teacher said she didn't know why, you became angry and instead of being angry outside, you got angry inside. Anger turned against oneself can result in a little depression - a situational depression. Maybe that's why you felt blue and now you are starting to come to yourself. I have to agree with Achot. You're drained. Nurses and nursing students are not like cash machines. We just can't always "give" without any service call. Spend more time with folks you love who love you. Maybe spend a little more time with your hubby, taking a walk and relaxing. See if a neighbor will watch the children and you can watch hers one day. You didn't quit nursing school. And, you have the reinforcement of an instructor that you are indeed "o.k." and will be a fine nurse. Don't push yourself now. Just rest and remember that you choose whose opinion to value. I think your second instructor has it just right. :-) Good Shabbos!