this is purely a vent!

[malkieh]

my step-daughter is a spoiled little brat whom always gets her way, and when I try to fight it I feel like I am being a brat. But if I do not scream, then she gets her way and then I am pardon my language Sr*ewed out of a car!

Tonight she had the NERVE to take off with the car that has all my clinical things for tomorrow!

When my husband called and told her to come back she's like "oh can't she take the other car, please I am already out." So he gives the phone to me and says you talk to her!

All she did was complain that she's already out, and that it's never been a problem before with her taking the car. I said the problem is that this particular car has my clinical things in it and you cannot just take off! That she knew this break would be different because I am in school now and she cannot just take off w/the car. Of course now she HATES me, and I am stressed and have a clinical final tomorrow and my last regular exam for lecture Friday morning.

Then I have to study for the Lecture final which thanks to pesach I have to also take late, so my grades do not get posted and they cannot "guarantee" me moving forward.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*sigh*

thanks for letting me vent.

[achot]

Mar 31, 2010 23:26:55 GMT -5 malkieh said:

my step-daughter is a spoiled little brat whom always gets her way, and when I try to fight it I feel like I am being a brat. But if I do not scream, then she gets her way and then I am pardon my language Sr*ewed out of a car!

Tonight she had the NERVE to take off with the car that has all my clinical things for tomorrow!

When my husband called and told her to come back she's like "oh can't she take the other car, please I am already out." So he gives the phone to me and says you talk to her!

All she did was complain that she's already out, and that it's never been a problem before with her taking the car. I said the problem is that this particular car has my clinical things in it and you cannot just take off! That she knew this break would be different because I am in school now and she cannot just take off w/the car. Of course now she HATES me, and I am stressed and have a clinical final tomorrow and my last regular exam for lecture Friday morning.

Then I have to study for the Lecture final which thanks to pesach I have to also take late, so my grades do not get posted and they cannot "guarantee" me moving forward.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*sigh*

thanks for letting me vent.

Wow what a difficult situation.

Sounds like you need help handling it. Your clinical belongings are important and she should have asked before taking off, after all it is not HER personal car.

We do not give permission carte blanche to the kids to take the one car that we have and I would feel the same way you do. We keep the keys and if we give the car, the keys get returned. Perhaps she should not have her own set of keys, not as a punishment but as a practicality after such a problem.
For the future be prepared- and HOW you deal with this it is very important and it sounds like your husband finds it hard to be firm. If you could begin on a more friendly, calmer tone that might help. Most importantly is to be on the same page and be united. It wont help to get angry. Children love to test us, we have to try not to rise to the bait, this is a great forum to let our frustrations out!!

[malkieh]

like I said this was purely a vent.

My husband does not like to set limits on his kids, she has a set of keys to both cars. She is supposed to ask before taking off, but was all excited because her bf is in town from Israel. b"H she brought back the car with my clinical stuff and took the other one. She then had to contend with her brother telling her that she better be back before 10 the next day because he has swimming lessons.

Blending families is not easy, but it's life when you find someone you love.

[achot]

Apr 1, 2010 21:49:54 GMT -5 malkieh said:

like I said this was purely a vent.

My husband does not like to set limits on his kids, she has a set of keys to both cars. She is supposed to ask before taking off, but was all excited because her bf is in town from Israel. b"H she brought back the car with my clinical stuff and took the other one. She then had to contend with her brother telling her that she better be back before 10 the next day because he has swimming lessons.

Blending families is not easy, but it's life when you find someone you love.

So glad it worked out, and it isn't only blended families that are difficult but Baruch Hashem we make them work, we just need a lot of patience, love and more patience and love. I also feel like I am going to burst sometimes. I have 4 teenagers at the same time and they can drive me up the wall!!
BTW, ,setting limits is hard for many parents, especially in this day and age!!
When things get bad I remember how when the kids were little and we had problems like potty training and sleeping through the night that could drive you crazy and those things worked themselves out, so I say these things will work themselves out too!! (Sometimes I am not so calm and rational but hey, thats life..)

[malkieh]

or like my mom says... Someday they will have kids and learn to appreciate what they put us through!

[achot]

maybe, but i am not holding my breath, my kids take turns driving me crazy!! I do appreciate my Mom more now, but also have chosen a different parenting method (as well as venue) than her,... but I do have to admit she did a bang up job....its harder nowadays.

[mypprincess]

It must be difficult. Having to deal with teenagers is difficult enough, not add step to the equation and you have a huge challenge.
You are in an impossible situation. For best results it must be HER BIOLOGICAL PARENT that sets the limits.
I wish you lots hatzlacha. May Hashem give you lots of koech to handle this while remaining psychologically intact.

[achot]

Apr 19, 2010 17:45:26 GMT -5 mypprincess said:

It must be difficult. Having to deal with teenagers is difficult enough, not add step to the equation and you have a huge challenge.
You are in an impossible situation. For best results it must be HER BIOLOGICAL PARENT that sets the limits.
I wish you lots hatzlacha. May Hashem give you lots of koech to handle this while remaining psychologically intact.

Why? If the biological parent is unable for whatever reason, and if love, caring and nurturing is the motivating factor, the step parent can also set limits. According to Halacha, the dtr has to respect the step parent as part of kibbud horim to the primary parent.
Of course I am talking about normal situations and not evil stepparents like in Snow White :-)

[malkieh]

Apr 19, 2010 17:45:26 GMT -5 mypprincess said:

It must be difficult. Having to deal with teenagers is difficult enough, not add step to the equation and you have a huge challenge.
You are in an impossible situation. For best results it must be HER BIOLOGICAL PARENT that sets the limits.
I wish you lots hatzlacha. May Hashem give you lots of koech to handle this while remaining psychologically intact.

I wish her biological parent would set limits. One has become a lesbian and decided to have her own life, so sadly her kids are left in the dust. Except when she wants to parade her newest date to them, blah yuck!

The other one, that I am married to, feels as though he has to bend because they have been kind of abandoned by the other patient. He's not into setting limits, which does not make my children so thrilled but that's another topic.

[achot]

Apr 21, 2010 20:42:55 GMT -5 malkieh said:

Apr 19, 2010 17:45:26 GMT -5 mypprincess said:

The other one, that I am married to, feels as though he has to bend because they have been kind of abandoned by the other patient. .

[/b]
freudian slip?

You walk a fine line and may Hashem give you the Koach, wisdom and patience to succeed. You will B'ezH-m see much nachas from all your children!!

[psyched]

I know it's just a vent, but just a thought:
When you think of someone as a "spoiled brat" they become one, and you always think of them as one. It sounds like your sitch is VERY frustrating, but if you can rename what your step daughter is, it may even end up helping your frustration. I.E. she's being inconsiderate
This is something I struggle with myself when I feel my own daughter is being a "brat"
This sounds like a huge test of your inner strength which I've seen to be absolutely remarkable from knowing you online. Know that although screaming may get your point across, in the long run it can damage your respect in her eyes.
Can your dh speak to a rav/mentor/therapist re setting limits with his kids? that's not your place to have to do that and that too can damage your relationship with his kids.
again, I know, you don't really want me and my big mouth. Just ignore Amen to achot's bracha.

[malkieh]

oh I never scream at my kids..

I vent first, to calm my self and to refocus myself (online not @ kids), and then I deal with it calmly and focused.

Only time I have EVER screamed at my kids is when they were annoying and I had already asked them 10+ times to stop please. Even after I appologize, because I HATE screaming