worried nursing school will strain marriage

[malkieh]

i have been trying to pull back to see if my husband could handle doing homework with my kids.

I have found the following to happen.

My older son (age 9), sits with my younger son (age 7) and does homework with him so that they can play.

But my daughter age 11, just does not do homework if I am not there to say "did you do your homework?"

So tonight I said to my daughter please let abba help (please note abba is her stepfather), so it's not so cut and dry. My daughter has learning issues, so she takes longer than most kids. I just sit with her and she does it on her own, but my husband tries to show her "easier ways". But they are easier ways for him, not her and when I tried to explain that to him. He stormed off that this is not the type of person that he is, and he has to do it in his way.

It makes me nervous about when school starts, because I have to be focused on nursing school.

I made a call to the local high school, and they are going to try to send me girls 2 days a week. Also I am going to try to call the lubavitch school to beg for girls from them also.

We are tight on funds as we are a blended family, so I cannot hire a tutor. I am applying for scholarships left and right, so I am not sure what kind of funding I will get. I am davening for extra so that maybe I could hire a tutor once or twice week to cover the rest of the week. Time will tell, but it adds to my nervousness.

[Rivka P]

reaching out to available resources sounds like a really good step. much hatzlocha. can you also talk to your daughter's school to see if there is anyone there available to help her with homework during a free period or at an after school program?

[mypprincess]

The road you are taking is not easy, but very rewarding at the end. When I went to school my children were babies and I went to school full time. It bothers me because I missed out alot. I was never home chol hamoed when my husband took my kids on trips. I was also in school on Purim and erev Yom Kippur, and was hardly home in the morning to get my kids ready for school. They always waited with a neighbor.
Did you try to get your neighbors to help?
It was sometimes extremely hard. But I knew that quitting was not an option. If I quit now I will loose the respect I gained from my husband and family. I will loose the future income and my self esteem with it. I could not let this happen.
Before I went into nursing my husband tried to dissuade me because he honestly believed I will fail. I told him "I'm going to school if you like it or not!"
Now, my husband and I have a totally different relationship. He started respecting me. I never had that. He used to see me as the one that bore his children, cleans his house, and cooks his foods. He respected me for that. He even complimented me on all that, but my opinion never mattered. Now he sees me for the person I am.
Thinking back now I can only wonder how I was able to pull through. Nobody believed I was going to make it. I didn't listen to them. At the end, I didn't just graduate, I did so with honors.
The first summer after graduating I didn't send my kids to camp but spent every moment with them. I loved it. I took them on weekly trips, and we did fun projects together. We had a great time. Now that I'm working I'll have money to do things with my kids that would never have been possible.
I'll tell you what I'm always telling my kids. THE OUTCOME IS ONLY AS MUCH EFFORT YOU PUT INTO IT.
You can do it!! And do not let any obstacles stand in your way. If you can't remove them, just go around them.

[malkieh]

B"H my husband wants me to get my degree..

I am just worried about how it will affect my children.

[mypprincess]

Lets not kid ourselves. It WILL NOT be easy.
The best you can do now is to be very open to your kids, and make them feel involved.
I sat down with my kids and explained to them our situation now, and how it would be with extra income.
The 2 younger kids were too young to involve. I tried to include my 2 older kids who were 6 and 8 into many of my studies in a way that they could understand. I took pictures in school of me working in the microbiology lab and showed my kids. I also showed them colorful pictures of microbes in my book and explained to them in detail what happens when you don't wash your hands. When I had to know the names of every muscle and bone in the body, I asked them to test me. They had a blast! Then it was my turn to test them for their homework! My kids felt included and learned alot as a result. People always wondered from where my kids acquired such vast knowledge.
And the unexpected positive result: My kids saw how serious I was with my studies, and realized the importance of it. Until this day I never have to beg my kids to do my homework! When my kids come home from school they do their homework before anything else. When I come home from work most of the homework is done. They only wait for me to answer any questions they have.
Hatzlacha!
Oh, and one more thing. If you have to choose between keeping the house perfectly clean and preparing 4 course meals, or spending time with the kids, just think what is more important.

[achot]

MYP you are right on target, but everyones life is different
Malki, try minimizing tension with your husband, asking him to do something the way you want it done might be outside the scope of his abilities right now
You are right to get help from the outside and lower standards whenever possible- so laundry doesnt get ironed, so supper is tuna sandwiches or whatever, Even full time homemakers do that. Pesach cleaning doesnt' have to include spring cleaning this year.
Take a deep breath and tackle each day as it comes
Good Luck, may Hashem grant you the energy, wisdom and mazal you need!