"Other people have been through this..."

[chayan]

Our textbooks say that it's non-therapeutic to tell a client, "What you're feeling is normal," or "It's common to feel this way after..." because it belittles client's feelings. But isn't it sometimes a relief to know that other people have been through this and share these feelings? When is it a therapeutic response to tell someone that what they're feeling is normal, and when is it not?

[achot]

Normal is such a subjective term and in reality almost doesnt exist. When someone is sick nothing feels 'normal'. Perhaps its ok to say, "That isn't unusual, I've heard others describe similar feelings, it must be horrible to feel that way, what can we do about this?" A listening ear and a few minutes of your time are wonderfully therapeutic approaches, I learn so much at those moments.
In truth I have probably said loads of stuff that would make your textbook frown and shake his finger, sometimes it just comes out due to exhaustion and overwork! You can almost always fix a bad situation with the right time and effort

[chayan]

Oh, I agree that we often say non-therapeutic things with no lasting harm done. I think the tone and manner in which you say things matter more than your actual words. Learning therapeutic vs. non-therapeutic definitely helps me think through what I'm saying or understand why certain communication patterns are not working. On the other hand there is some room for ambiguity, and often the "right answer" on the test isn't what I feel is most appropriate or what I would feel comfortable saying to a client in that situation.

[medic09]

I try to speak to each patient as an individual, while still letting them know that their experience isn't totally unexpected. Something like, "I would be surprised if you weren't scared/in pain/anxious/upset/etc. in this situation." I have validated their experience, indicated it isn't unusual without saying so, and left the door open for them to speak up further. The devil is in the details/wording; but I have found patients to be very much comforted by having their distress recognized and validated.

Of course, you have to be sensitive and use common sense. Both! There is NO textbook answer for every real-live person. What seemed good with a previous patient may not suit the subtle differences of the next, albeit similar, patient.

[Rivka P]

Chaya,

I have seen literature that suggests saying things like, "many people experience ..." when attempting to draw out info re: abusive situations etc, so that they feel like they are not alone. So, your initial reaction to the statement in your text, that such a comment would be helpful, and not harmful seems appropriate to me, just based on what I have read. I guess like others posted, it depends on how you are saying those words.
If you say to someone, "oh, pain after a surgery is no big deal. all surgical patients have pain." you're belittling.
If you say, as mentioned above, that "I expect that you will have some pain after such a procedure. Do alert me when you experience pain, and we will do everything we can to help you feel more comfortable." then you are saying, that though it's common, it's therefore, also something that you are in a position to treat.